I rolled over this morning with my arms reaching out to find my husband. He wasn’t there. My dog was sleeping next to me, so I guess it could have been worse.
To everyone on the outside looking in, it’s like time is flying by. Time is moving so quickly and they are all wondering where the minutes went.
For me, it’s like time is… just… moving, I guess. Because it is supposed to be, right? But it doesn’t feel like I’m going anywhere. It is like time is just standing still. Like the hour glass was flipped over and the sand stopped pouring the second he left. There is no way to measure the time. It has stopped for me, but everyone else’s hourglass is still pouring. *the feeling is a strange one*
You remember when you were a little kid, on the night before Christmas? Waiting patiently or not so patiently for Santa to come down the chimney? It is like that feeling of time. Seconds feel like years. Minutes feel like decades. Can it be morning already?
This is how I feel everyday.
This isn’t meant to be a sad post. I am not sad. I am actually very happy, doing everything I’ve ever dreamed of doing. But there’s still an aching feeling inside me that never settles. I miss my other half, my best friend. The “routines” and “staying busy” help distract my mind from racing about the moment I finally get to see him. But every morning I wake up and for the first ten minutes, its there. The feeling of being alone. The feeling of knowing we aren’t even half way there. The feeling of a frozen hourglass. It’s like this Christmas Eve will never end.
The past week I have found myself wrapped up in novels. Novels of other people’s lives. I am on my fourth novel this week. I am not sure if the binge reading is because I’ve desperately needed a good story or if I am searching for the stories of being loved, touched, and romanced. Either way, I’ve been filling my brain with romance one novel at a time. And for this week, it seems to be working.
So, send me your favorite love story, or tell me all about yours. ❤
I woke up at 3 am to take my husband to the airport yesterday. I stood in the kitchen drinking my coffee while I watched my husband say goodbye to our doggie children.
They are dogs. I get it, but watching someone you love say goodbye to something they love is hard. I held back tears and finished my coffee. I remember thinking of all the wives out there staying strong for there kiddos as daddy said “see ya later” filled with hugs and kisses. We appreciate your strength for your family. ❤
I walked through the airport carrying a bag. I made it all the way to the security checkpoint and just remember thinking this is my stop, this is where I say “see ya later” for a year. And tears started rolling down my face. (insert eye roll) I was trying so hard not to cry yesterday. I didn’t want my husband to worry while he traveled to a new country by himself. He had enough to worry about. But I cried, and I couldn’t make it stop. We kissed for what felt like an hour because we didn’t want the last one to be the last one.
I watched him walk through the security checkpoint waving goodbye. As I walked back to my car every person in that airport was staring as I constantly wiped tears from my eyes just so I could see where I was going. (so embarrassing) but I did the best that I could.
I made it home to an empty, quiet house. I remember thinking about how I needed to get my life together for class but decided to snuggle with my fur babies instead. I was finally able to just cry without feeling like I needed to hold back tears. And at that time, that it what I needed.
Day 1: I got dressed and put makeup on and remember thinking “let’s just do it” we have 365 days. So I put on my sassy pants and took on the day, already missing him every second.
My advice for others today is: it’s great that you are strong for yourself and your family but sometimes it is A-okay to curl up on a couch with a pint of ice cream and cry if that’s what you need. Take time to take care of your own needs first. I am a firm believer that if you aren’t happy you won’t be able to make others happy. And we need all the happiness in the world we can get right now.